It's already been a long time even though it seems just a while for me. One year is not just a while. The same day a year back 12th August. Probably I won’t be forgetting it all over my life. It’s the exact day on which a bond between us was formed. Though this bond is almost broken now, her thoughts still takes me to the same day when I saw you for the first time.
It was the second day of our college. I still can imagine myself as a bookish fellow in those times. I was a complete bookworm and knew nothing other than study. That day I had been a little late so I had to sit on a bench at the middle of our class. And so as I was turning pages of my book, my eyes happen to fell on something pink for no reason. It was the pink kurta she'd been wearing. That time I couldn't stop myself looking at you. You looked just so gorgeous and the most simple and beautiful. Your smile and innocent looking eyes made me forget everything I had been doing.
But I being a bookworm prevented myself to come in true romantic mood and nothing happened between us previously. Soon, our sections got divided into physical and bio-groups and we had to separate. In the physical group, all the guys were way too funny and entertaining. We used to enjoy a lot. But even though my eyes kept searching her in the crowd of noisy students for no reason at all. And sometimes whenever our eyes would meet I'd start wishing time to stop for a while. I'd just love that moment. But soon dashain vacation arrived and everything stopped. Even after the vacation same thing started happenning. We would look at each other as if we had already met and just we both didn't speak a word. But as winter started, our studies got tightened and I also began pouring myself in pile of books of physics, maths and chemistry and didn't let myself focus on you. On top of this, my fate made the situation so worse that I could hardly take a glance at her as the break time was too limited and you would be fully busy with your friends. I still can't believe I let things happen the same in a silent way throughout the winter. It was because I hadn't understood myself yet. I didn't know anything about love that would sometimes happen in first sight.
But soon the silence finally broke out. This was in the late springs of 2011. Our classes had been combined to revise for board exam. She was in the second and me in the first bench. She asked me if I could explain the chapter "The Gardener" by Rudyard Kilping. My heartbeat was rising and my hands were shaking and sweating. With great difficulty I explained the whole chapter. I was so delighted that time and I felt a beautiful spring blooming in my life. But the classes for board exam preparation were over and again there was separation. But I was glad that everything went right and the doors of friendship between us were open. I prepared way too hard for exam. At the first day of exam, our eyes met in the same way as in the college it would. But this time she turned back and she looked as if she hadn't been preparing well. I really wanted to speak to her but it would be like showing pride. She was almost sure enough that she’d not pass and me, I was sure enough to say I’d be getting distinction. What a pitiful situation it was, saying anything to her at that time would make me overpowering myself with pride. So I decided not to show up during the entire the exam. And again the separating holidays began. I cursed myself for missing all the chances to be with her in the entire session of grade 11. I was thinking I would have to wait till the beginning of next session. But I was wrong. There was facebook that made us even closer. At first, I started the conversation but later, she would start it every times. We would talk about many things and get lost withing ourselves. And one day our conversation reached such a critical point that it was a situation in which she was asking my girlfriend’s name. I could make a confession of my love that time.
But I decided to stay quiet and this decision to stay quiet is active even today. After the beginning of 12th session, I could do nothing to amplify our relation. I found no way linking to her and it just stopped. The bond between us gradually weakened and the relationship cooled down. And now, she does not even looks at me though there is nothing wrong I’ve said or done to her. And if I start speaking to her, she starts looking for a way out. This feels really bad. I can feel my chest burning like a fire. On top of all I’ve become an irresponsible person. I have focus on nothing neither study nor entertainment. I’m out of the track of my aim and I spend almost every time of the day doing nothing. I stand aloof alone in the balcony every evening looking at the sky and cursing my fate.
Yet still I have new hopes and I wish a spring to be back again the same way last time and again alter my life. I need something to fill myself with an enthusiasm. An enthusiasm that’ll take me back on the track to become a successful meteorologist. Please come back spring!!!!!
