"Enjoying The Moments Of Sadnesses"

                                       Always the same thing in the same way!!! Everyday. Though it's been a while that it has happenned like this, it hurts,.....indeed it hurts just so much. "The seperation growing day by day between me and the things I want in my life."

               
 It's not that I've not tried reversing this statement but at the moment, I'm being controlled by my fate and my destiny. What the heck is with me? Nothing! just Nothing is right at all!!!!. I tried so much to open all the doors of success in my life, but who on earth reminded me that these doors have self locking system and they need to be broken into pieces not opened.
              Yeah!!! It is true that nothing is working out in my life. But I don't care. In fact I enjoy this moment as a temporary time of my life. Who cares? I came here empty-handed and my soul will go away from my body the same way. And what about the wrong things going right now. They won't simply matter at all. So I better not be bothered by anything wrong/right going around me.
                I know that the my time is "bad" situation is "terrible" and the moment right now is just full of "sadness" but I don't care about that or any of its circumstances. I do believe that there is morning that is on the way somewhere in my life. And time will heal everything everything will be just all right. But everyone knows that mornings come only after night..........right?
                     

Walkin' alone in Thamel Streets

         I still don't want to give up. And I have to do the best I can for whatever I want in my life. So I decided to do something to unbreak the promise that I made with someone. So without thinking over, I just took off for searching the book face reading.
        I first dropped at Mandala Book Point in Jamal. And I started searchin the book. I found 2-3 related books called "Body Language" that absolutely didn't satisfy me. I went out of there and decided to walk to Thamel as my English teacher suggested me to do so. I did that as well.
Thamel is a little different place of Kathmandu. Here are guide,maps shops everywhere. Also the music shops and travels and tours companies have dominated this place. There are narrow streets and foreigners all around. Also, a number of expensive guest houses and hotels have dominated this place. So it sure is the most suitable place for all those tourists who come to Nepal. Yet, the way how some street guys were teasing lady foreigners showed that it is not a completely secured area.

I wandered through some of the book shops. But it was not of use at all. The same book "body language" repeated in my every entry in the shops. I was completely exhausted when I finished up searching almost everywhere in Thamel and ended up with frustration.

                                And finally, saying that "I will find it before Time finishes up in ringing the last bell of my loss." Oh no! I must find it a lot before that.

Missing Something.............

                          Again!!!! again its the same old life living in the same usual way. It begins the same way and ends up as usual. Now and then each time I find that I'm missin' something, something going away from me, something I rely on, something I truely like the most.
                          But " what is that exactly?" This is the question I frequently ask myself, try to find the answer in my inner self. But no use. It has been unanswered since a long time. But I still believe it is somewhere hidden within me.....my soul. These days, each time I find myself losing senses to all happy and sad moments.............sometimes I become completely selfless , forget to eat or drink & even saying goodbye to sleep. It is though bad to hear that I've started staring at things and do absolutely nothing. Hey,"What the heck is with me?"......................
           Oh My God!.......is that it. Did I got the fact? I asked a different question to myself now.
"Why not I replace the word something by someone and like with love?"
                         
  

UNBEARABLE SILENCE

                        "Yesterday silent" ,"today silent" and probably "tomorrow silent". I wondre how long I am going to remain like this. This "SILENCE" is the only thing that is  creating a wall of seperation between us. Such state of being speechless is really awful.
                        I just can't take it anymore. I've got to find a way out. But how? "Oh God"!please give me some way. There is nothing on earth that can get right without your agreement. "Hey" but "God helps those who help themselves." Yeah! I must help myself to foreward only at least one step ahead with better things I want to have ion my life.
                        It sure is really hard to keep silent all the time and be an audience when opportunities come and pass by me. I must anyhow break this SiLeNcE at once before the TIME finishes in building wall of seperation between us.

An Expensive Voice

Same problem again and again. Hey what's wrong? Why do I find difficulty in expressing my feelings to others. Its always the same problem when it comes to speaking. "Lips Closed", "Staring Face" and the"Silence". Ah!!! I just hate 'em. Why is my voice never cracked? and why do I appear so dumb at situations I shouldn't supposed to be. Why is my voice so expensive that it does not break even when it is strongly recommended to.
            But now its time I break the all long history I've been like this. Things will never change unless I myself change first......That's it. To change, I must speak and keep speaking until things get right. Yeah continue speaking............................